Gentlemen, let’s be honest: We do not prepare the same way women do when a new baby is on the way. We don’t read parenting books nor do we download baby apps into our phones. We’d just wait in anticipation and pretty much go with the flow until D-Day. Things like “Say goodbye to your social life!” is usually what we’d hear at the beginning but that isn’t really surprising because deep down we know you wouldn’t be able to do all the ‘guy stuff’ you used to do once you’re a dad.
You and your wife would receive countless parental advice from friends and family but regardless, there would still be a few things people will fail to mention to dads-to-be who have no idea what to expect at the beginning.
10. Lanugo – Lanugo is the fine, soft hair that covers the body of a fetus and tends to appear on various parts of a newborn’s body e.g. forehead, back, etc. — and all fall off within a few months. It’s uncommon for parents to mention lanugo while sharing stories of their child’s birth but frankly speaking, it would’ve been nice if they did so that guys like me (who’ve never even heard the word ‘lanugo’ before) wouldn’t have to worry if their baby would grow up to be a werewolf.
9. The Umbilical Cord – In the movies, baby gets delivered, doctor briefly snips the cord and the next scene jumps to the parents passionately holding their newborn child. But what the movies don’t show you is that a remainder of the umbilical cord is left on the baby’s belly to rot until it falls off. Again, a guy like me who had no reason to google ‘newborn umbilical cord’ before would’ve appreciated it if someone gave a heads up about it to avoid the shock from seeing a green, wormy-looking thing sticking out of the baby’s belly.
8. You Become a Toilet – No matter how super-absorbent the diapers are and no matter where you position yourself while changing your baby, you will still get pee on your shirt and poop on your fingers — and on other spots of your body with no idea how it got there.
7. Your Bed is No Longer Yours – It won’t matter how comfy and expensive the crib or bassinet is, your baby will always find sleeping in the bed with its mom comfier. And guys, now that you don’t get to sleep in your bed, you can probably guess what else you won’t get to do there.
6. You Personal Hygienic Goes to Another Level – If you think you’re hygienic now, think again. When your baby is born you’re suddenly gonna try to prevent that tiny person from getting sick as much as possible. You’ll be washing your hands thoroughly like a doctor prepping for an operation. You’ll have hand sanitizer handy in your backpack like a teenage girl. And you’ll inevitably find yourself dodging people who cough as everyone in public will begin to look like a potential disease carrier.
5. Sleep Becomes Something You Used to Know – Sure, people do mention how having a baby would result in loss of sleep but they don’t really emphasize why. 8 hour of sleep? Good luck trying to achieve that with the feeding every few hours and regular diaper change. And if you’re one of those ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ people, trust me you’re gonna eat those words. If I knew what I know now, I would’ve gone to bed before midnight every day during my wife’s pregnancy.
4. You’ll Be Creating a Monster – The cute and cuddly infant is the image instilled in our minds and displayed on our social media timeline — like this photo of my baby girl.
But it would’ve been great if people shared BTS images like this more often…
…just to let you know that these little bundles of joy will also transform into tiny monsters.
3. Death Might Actually Do You Part – Regardless of how much you love your wife, you will unavoidably be at each other’s throats. Even if you agreed on everything before, you will definitely disagree on certain methods of handling your child respectively.
2. The Wake-Up Calls from Hell – You’ll realize how much you took your phone’s alarm for granted after waking up to your baby’s ear-piercing cries and experiencing a headache like no other. You will be shocked at how something so small could belt out such a deafening sound.
1. No Matter How Tough You Are…
Even the manliest of all men will not be able to hold back the tears the moment he holds his baby in his arms for the first time. So be sure to have a manly pack of tissues handy before entering the nursery.
All jokes aside, you will surely feel nothing but love for your baby in the end — well, maybe a little exhausted but the love will be there nevertheless.
